A Play About New Age Christianity

  • Category: Religion
  • Words: 716
  • Grade: 100
Judas: Yes!! Today is going to be the day when I start to think for myself. No more will I
        let them control me. From now on, Im not going to listen to propaganda from a         bunch of hypocrites. Yes, today will         be the day that I renounce my Christian         Faith.

(Jesus and Sir Convertalot approach and knock on the door.)

Judas: Um... who is it?
Jesus: Uh, hey dude... its Jesus! Open up your door! (whispers) And Your wallet!
Sir: Hello Judas, I am Sir Convertalot. I really think you should reconsider and join
        us. You see, we as Christian Fascists (Jesus hits him with cross)...umm...no, wait I         mean Christian Leaders
        know that no one can truly be happy without Christ in their lives. We preach
        peace and love. After all, our motto is "Live and Control everyone else
         at all Costs. (Jesus hits him with cross)" Oh wait, thats not it... its "Live and         Let Live," yup... thats the ticket.
Jesus: There are many benefits to joining out cult, (sir hits christ with cross) wait...         um... religion as well. You get
        to look down upon everyone else, and pass judgments on them whether they
        believe in the same things you do or not. Plus, you get a really neat warm fuzzy
        sense of security knowing that you are going to a better place when you die, no
        matter how bad of a person you are.
Judas: Wow! That sounds great! Do I get to selectively interpret bible passages in order to
        prove anything I do justifiable?
Sir: Of course you do Judas! Haven't you heard the news? Christ has modernized and now he is one cool cat! Have you not seen all of his ultra hip clothes such as What Would Jesus         Do accessories and T-shirts? Christ used to be just the king of the spiritual world,         but now he is the king of the fashion world too. Once we come out with rapping         life size Jesus dolls no         one will be able to resist Christ... we will use flashy         gimmicks to conquer this world heathen by heathen         until there is no free will or         free thought left!
Judas: I can feel Christ's love inside me now! So tell me Jesus, how do you get everyone         to love you so much?
Jesus: Well... you see Judas... you must start with a person when they are really young.
        I have my good friends such as Sir Convertalot convince people that I love them,
        yet at the same time terrorize them into fearing my wrath. Through repeating this
        thousands of times they latch on, and slavery in my name becomes second nature
        to them. They will defend me to the death... it is pretty cool.        
Judas: I would just like to take this moment to congratulate you. No longer is Jesus
        just a simple man with a philosophy, but you have become a full fledged         entrepreneur. Your whole Church bussiness must be just about the richest
        company in the world... and you do not even have to pay taxes!
Sir: Its easy Judas. Once you appeal to people's emotional needs and give them a false         sence of security and hope, give them a Satan to blame all the worlds problems on         and win their trust, they will believe anything you say. They will even give you all         their money to do such ludicrus things as give bibles and crosses to starving         children in 3rd world nations! Of course we pocket half the money. But hey, isnt it         better to make sure they are taken care of in their next life rather than the ones         they are living now?
Judas: Well, I am convinced! I would like to join the Army of Christ today! Is there any
        small group out there that we can either convert or kill today just like they did
        when you guys first came to the Americas?
Jesus:        Of Course! But just to prove that I am the one true Lord... can Muhammed or
        Budaha do this?

(Dance music comes on and they dance)

Sir: Hey look, its some heathens! They will never know true love and happiness unless we bombard them with nonsensical rhetoric!

ALL: AFTER THEM!!!
(They run off stage)
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